Planning a wedding is one of the most exciting journeys a couple can take together, but it can also bring unexpected stress and strain on your relationship. Between guest lists, budgets, family opinions, and the sheer pressure of wanting everything to be perfect, even the most loving couples may find themselves clashing more than connecting.

At Bride Club ME, we believe your relationship deserves just as much attention as your wedding plans. That’s why we regularly partner with trusted experts to share advice that not only helps you plan the big day, but also strengthens the bond that will carry you into marriage.

In this article, Clinical Psychologist and Gottman Method-trained couple therapist Ivone Reis, at the BioPsychoSocial Clinic, shares practical, research-backed tools to help couples communicate better, reconnect, and build a strong foundation for married life. Whether you’re newly engaged or well into your planning, these insights are here to remind you: your love story isn’t just about the wedding, it’s about the life you’re building together.

Above: Dr Ivone Reis, Senior Clinical Psychologist at BioPsychoSocial Clinic

If you’re in a relationship and feel like every conversation turns into a misunderstanding, or you’re constantly walking on eggshells, you’re not alone. Many couples face this moment where the ease of connection seems to disappear. What once felt natural and effortless now feels stressful or emotionally distant.

You may even be wondering: Why can’t we talk like we used to? Why does everything turn into a fight?

The truth is, most couples aren’t taught how to communicate well, especially during emotional moments. Love is a powerful foundation, but it isn’t enough on its own to carry you through life’s pressures, parenting challenges, financial stress, or emotional wounds. The way you talk to each other under stress can either deepen your bond or slowly pull you apart.

Relationship researchers have spent decades studying why couples thrive or break down, and the biggest finding? It’s not about whether couples argue, but how they do it. Below are common reasons communication becomes difficult in relationships, and simple steps you can take to bring back understanding, closeness, and calm.

Image credit – Gettyimages

The 4 Toxic Patterns That Break Down Connection

One of the most helpful frameworks for understanding communication issues comes from relationship researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They identified four communication habits, known as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that often predict relationship breakdown if left unchecked:

1. Criticism
   Attacking your partner’s character instead of focusing on the issue.
   Example: “You never think of anyone but yourself.”
2. Contempt
   Speaking with disrespect, sarcasm, or superiority. This includes eye-rolling, mockery, or name-calling.
   “Contempt is the strongest predictor of divorce”.
3. Defensiveness
   Rejecting responsibility and turning the blame back.
   Example: “It’s not my fault, you’re always overreacting.”
4. Stonewalling
   Shutting down and withdrawing emotionally when things get tense.
   “This often happens when one partner feels overwhelmed or emotionally flooded”.

These behaviours are common, but that doesn’t mean they’re healthy. The good news? You can unlearn them and replace them with healthier, more connecting habits.

So, What Can Couples Do Instead?

Here are five simple, research-backed strategies that can completely shift how you communicate with your partner:

Start Conversations Gently

How you start a conversation often determines how it ends. Avoid criticism and begin with a calm tone and clear feelings.
Try this: “I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected and would love some time just for us.”

Focus on Understanding, Not Being Right

The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better. Let go of proving a point and listen with empathy.
Say: “I may not fully get it yet, but I want to understand how this felt for you.”

Practice Active Listening

Put down distractions. Don’t interrupt. Reflect back what you hear to show you’re listening.
Example: “So you’re saying you felt alone when I didn’t check in with you?”
This simple act of being heard can defuse most tension.

Pause When Emotions Run High

If either of you feels overwhelmed, agree to take a short break (20 minutes) before continuing. Come back when you’re both calm.
Pro tip: Use this break to self-soothe—go for a walk, breathe deeply, or splash water on your face.

Make Appreciation a Daily Habit

Balance out stress by noticing what’s working in the relationship. Express appreciation often, even for small things.
Say: “Thank you for taking care of that, it really helped me today.”
Positive words build emotional safety over time.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect—Just Present

No couple gets it right all the time. What matters isn’t perfection, but presence, the willingness to repair after conflict, to keep showing up, and to try new ways of connecting.

If you’re noticing tension, distance, or repetitive arguments, don’t panic. These are signs that your relationship needs attention, not that it’s doomed. With awareness, intention, and some new tools, you can shift the way you communicate and feel more like a team again.

The work you do together now will shape the future of your relationship. You’re not just learning to talk better; you’re learning how to love better.

As you prepare for your wedding day, remember that the strongest foundation you can build isn’t just the venue, the dress, or the décor, it’s the connection you share with your partner. By nurturing healthy communication and investing in your relationship now, you’re setting yourselves up for a lifetime of love, teamwork, and resilience.

Written by Ivone Reis, a Clinical Psychologist, specialised in couples therapy and trained in the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy.

At Bride Club ME, we’re here to support you every step of the way, from planning your dream celebration to guiding you with expert advice for a happy, lasting marriage. Explore more tips, resources, and real-life inspiration across our platform, and let us help you not only plan your wedding, but also prepare for the beautiful journey of marriage ahead.