Seven Keys to Successful Decision Making with Your Fiancé
Written by Nicola Beer on January 6, 2019.
Tagged under: Expert tips, Keys, Nicola Beer, Seven Keys to Successful Decision Making with Your Fiancé, Successful Decision Making, WEDDING PLANNING TIPS, Your Fiancé In, decisions, marriage advice, taking, talking, wedding
Seven Keys to Successful Decision Making with Your Fiancé
In her last expert post, BCME’S family and marriage relationship expert, Nicola Beer, pointed out the six decisions to share with your fiancé when planning your wedding. If you’re still struggling to agree and are wondering how you can come to an arrangement that you are both happy with, Nicola is back this month with some practical tips on how to make decisions together. By remaining calm, setting intentions, and following Nicola’s other pieces of advice, you’ll be a step closer to a wedding day that you both agree on, and this will stand you in good stead for a long and happy marriage. Enjoy!
Saying ‘I do’ is one of the most magical moments that you and your man will remember as you start your new life together. If you’ve decided to plan everything as a couple leading up to your big day, there are some things you will need to keep in mind so that it not only turns out to be the day you’ve both dreamed of but also does not wreck your relationship in the process.
Things like open communication, making decisions and listening to each other’s opinions are important, as well as agreeing to disagree and compromise when needed. This is not the time to buckle to every whim your man or his family may have just so that you don’t upset the wedding planning. Remember that planning a wedding is a symbol for the way you will prepare for your life together, so you want the wedding decision making to go smoothly.
As a marriage counsellor and pre-marital coach there are some key things you might want to do to make the decision making around your wedding planning as easy as possible. Follow these seven key rules and your communication will not only be good for your wedding; it will benefit you as a couple for life.
Keep the conversations calm and peaceful when wedding planning. To do this, take as many breaks as needed throughout the discussion to avoid things getting heated. Always start conversations calmly and allow for cool down time if things do escalate. Time outs are not just for children, adults benefit from them too.
Set an Intention
Setting an intention for what you want to achieve is important when it comes to wedding planning discussions. Agree on what the problem or issue is, so that you are not trying to solve multiple problems at once, otherwise you may go around in circles. If you follow a faith, pray together before starting as many couples in my counselling from all different religions find that this helps.
Avoid making demands
Avoid being attached to a particular outcome and demanding what you want to happen. Listen to each other’s dreams and ideas rather than constantly pushing your own forward. Sounds obvious, right? When we become so passionate about something we can forget to listen.
Look for common ground
It can be really easy when making decisions with your man to notice everything they don’t agree with you on. So, make a real effort to instead focus on the differences and look for when your perspectives coincide.
Encourage and freely share thoughts, feelings, and opinions with love, respect, and kindness. Strictly avoid criticism or domination of each other. Strive to be open without taking offence as well. Carefully monitor and modify your attitude and tone of voice. If underneath your words is criticism, disrespect, or sarcasm, your fiancé will hear them, even when your words are positive. Also avoid stating something as absolute fact, for example “Everyone will hate that venue,” or “You never listen to me.”
Listen then validate
Listen to each other carefully and without interruption and request clarification as needed. Then validate; this is key in communication. When you validate someone, say things such as “What you are saying makes sense,” or “I can see your point of view.”
You automatically stop being on opposite sides and can then move forward. If you only listen and don’t validate, you could both be pushing your way of thinking on each other for a long time and get nowhere. Listening does not help couples move forward – validation does.
Policy of joint agreement
Strive for unified decisions, even when it takes longer. Agree that you will keep talking about an issue until you reach a common ground and that you won’t go ahead with something until you are both okay with it. Make sure that you are not regularly deferring rather than taking the time to thoroughly discuss an issue. Thorough discussions agreed in advance usually result in better and more creative solutions.
Overall, wedding planning and other important life decisions work best when you have equal voices in couple discussions, as it is vital for you both to express what is on your minds and in your hearts freely. Either withholding your input or dominating the conversation will both negatively affect the outcome. If one of you tends to be more dominant in speaking, you will need to use self-discipline to give the other an opportunity to speak.
The less dominant of you may also need to practice assertiveness. Free expression happens when you are both willing to listen patiently to one another and not interrupt.
If you are having trouble getting into a routine, some pre-marriage counseling can be a great way to have such discussions in a safe way. Here, you can learn communication skills to benefit your relationship long-term as well as help in wedding planning.
I hope this has been useful for you, for more support on relationships check out this marriage audio program designed to give you tools to help you have a connected and close life together.
If you want to discuss pre-marriage counseling in Dubai or online, book a free consultation here.