Six Decisions To Share With Your Fiancé When Planning Your Dubai Wedding

So many newly engaged women look forward to planning their dream wedding only to discover that rather than being a magical time, it can often be a source of stress and leave them feeling overwhelmed. The amount of support you have from your partner, and how you both feel about ‘sharing the load’ can be crucial. Some women are happy to take control, where others would like their other halves to at least have some input.

In her second expert post for BCME, our Family & Marriage Relationship Expert, Nicola Beer, explains which of the key areas of wedding planning should be shared between you and your fiancé. Read on to discover how and why you should discuss the options and make these decisions together. Enjoy!

Even if your fiancé has said, “It’s your choice and I leave it all up to you,” it’s a good idea to try to get their input on some important areas of wedding planning. This will help you to feel like a team and to avoid any arguments with him or his family further down the line.

Here are the top six things that most couples are happy they made decisions together when wedding planning.

Deciding who will be in the wedding party

Of course, this is going to be an inclusion of both of your nearest and dearest, but before asking your respective friends and family you should have decided who will be in the wedding party for both sides as a couple first. It’s important that both sides’ choices create a harmonious wedding party because the group will need to come together a few times before the big day and, of course, on the big day itself.

If you have people who are not on good terms with one another or with whom there are underlying issues, this needs to be taken into consideration too. Both partners should be ok with who is on the other’s list. These are the people who will play a big role in the day and the last thing you want is drama at an occasion that you have dreamed about your whole life. It is also important to agree together so that your respective families don’t interfere and take over, or later on accuse one of you of taking control.

This decision also includes whether you will allow the children of your friends and families to attend. Some couples want a child free wedding, but that may mean some of your friends may not be able to come.

Agreeing on the venue

This is one of those things that either you are both fully into or just one is into. Before you even start looking at venues, decide where you both stand on this and what level of involvement you are going to have. If your soon to be husband is not into this part of the planning, take the reins and make sure that your future husband agrees before confirming anything. Don’t just visit the venue and make a decision, even if your fiancé says he does not mind. The day is about you both, and again, if things go wrong you may be blamed.

If it is something you are both into then you need to be prepared to compromise once you start visiting venues. You both should determine what your priorities and expectations are in terms of this part of the wedding. Things like budget, location and size should all be clear from the get-go. This may sound obvious, but you would be surprised how many brides jump in on the venue first without thinking through costs, logistics and numbers.

Deciding on the honeymoon

This is the part of the wedding planning that is about you two. If one of you has taken the initiative to make it a surprise for the other, it is important that this is agreed on before any planning happens. Both of you can bring your ideas to the table and you can sit down and plan it together. Be prepared to make compromises, change things a hundred times and discuss fully before a final itinerary is set. Again, things like your budget should be considered, as well as understanding the expectations each person has of what they think a honeymoon should be. Maybe you are into lounging on beaches all day, but he cannot stand that and wants to go on adventure treks and trips as much as possible. You will need to find common ground here before anything is booked because this time is supposed to be a really special and romantic time that you as a couple spend together when you start your marriage.

Deciding on the ceremony and vows

There are a few options to discuss here. Will you have a religious or civil ceremony? Will you each write your own vows or will you stick to the traditional vows? These may seem like small wedding details, but you will soon see just how much the small stuff matters. You and your partner need to be on the same page on which ceremony you will have because if one of you wants a religious ceremony and the other does not, and a decision is not taken together, it can be a problem.

It’s good to have this discussion and find a meeting point if you are on two different ends of the spectrum about a particular type of ceremony. The idea here is not for one partner to buckle to another but rather to create a wedding that you are both happy with and one that you both feel represents you as a person in this partnership.

Deciding on the first dance song and procession song

For many wedding songs are important. There may be some things about your wedding you will not remember, unfortunately. It’s a whirlwind day that you spend months (or years) planning for and it will fly by as time does when you are having fun. But, the two things that will stick in your mind like superglue is what song you walked down the aisle to and what song you and your just married husband danced to when opening the floor. The song you choose for the procession sets the tone for the whole event as it is incredibly symbolic of the two of you in your relationship. No matter what you choose, you are both going to want to give this a lot of thought. The same goes for your first dance with the exception that with this one you have an entire dance floor to yourselves and can have some fun with it.

What I suggest is picking songs on your own first, ones that you really put a lot of thought into. Once you do that, sit down and compare lists. See which ones overlap and start narrowing it down from there. If none overlap, go through each song and give your sentiment on it to see if the other person can find the compromise. This is something you want to do when you are not under stress or feeling pressured because it is not an easy one to settle on.

To have a gift registry or not to have a gift registry

Gifts are something that you and your partner need to be clear about because you need to be united in establishing what you will be happy to do. Some couples opt for a registry, while others prefer some kind of fund for a honeymoon or to get started in life.

The bottom line with all of the decision making is that you will both feel happier on the day and after if you make joint decisions. So, make a plan to sit down with your man and thrash it out. Perhaps not thrash it out, but compromise is the name of the game.

At first you may realise just how differently you and your partner see things, yet if you look at what you can agree on and tick that off first it can really help. In my couple counselling sessions, we do just that, focusing first on all the agreeable items. Then we look at the ones that cause tension and brainstorm new options or compromise solutions. Use your wedding planning as a way to learn new ways of communicating and practice the art of joint decision-making. Both of you will most likely need to make a compromise for the day to be as special as you deserve to have it.

If you are finding it difficult to stand up for yourself or are struggling to find a compromise, do get in touch. I would be happy to support you to learn new skills for ultimate happiness.

Xx Nicola xX
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