Trouble in Paradise?

Last month, our diary of a real bride contributor shared the details of her gorgeous DIY engagement party and this time, Dana is back with some real home truths and pearls of learned wisdom. Over to you Dana!

Being in a relationship or getting married should be full of romance and love, to me that seems like a no-brainer, yet so often I’m faced with feeling deprived of attention and care and as if there’s room for improvement. The truth is it’s nigh on impossible to escape the stressors of a wedding and only too easy to get caught up in the drama with your better half.

You’re With Your Partner For Their Worst Traits Rather Than Their Best.

Getting closer to your wedding day is one of the most overwhelming periods of your entire existence. A lot of over-thinking, anxiety, stress and frustration will inevitably arise; but the most important thing to remember is that it will all be OK. You may feel like you want to get it over with (as I do… shhh don’t tell anyone!) but whenever you get these thoughts, try to remind yourself to be present in the moment… These are moments you are probably never going to experience again, once in a lifetime, so take a deep breath, soak it in and let me help you tie your loose ends together.

Firstly, it is important to identify the source of your problems and its depth. Some problems are often stirred up by a mess of emotions; the planning and the financials of the wedding are exhausting without a doubt, but sometimes the depth of your problems are greater than situational stressors and may indicate signs ‘trouble in paradise’ like a lack of communication, trust and understanding. Always remember, you’re with your partner for their worst traits rather than their best, anyone can easily fall in love with good traits.

Nevertheless… Here are my top 6 tips to keep your sanity and a positive frame of mind intact:

1. Focus on the finish line

Big wedding, small wedding, expensive planner, DIY events, attentive to details or not, please bare in mind that if or when anything goes wrong during your engagement period, the bottom line is that you’re marrying the man you’ve always wanted. Try to be present in the moment and not to get too caught up in the little details that probably won’t matter much in 2 years. Focus on him, focus on you. This too shall pass – remember that.

2. Date night

Force yourself to do the things you don’t have the energy for … you NEED it, like going on a date night. This is the best opportunity to have the opportunity to bond. It can be difficult, as when you get closer to the wedding day, you’ll find that you barely have time to eat. However, pleaser find some time for you and your husband-to-be to either sit and talk, or do an activity together; watch a movie or even just stargaze. You really want to use the little time on your hands to grow and solidify your relationship. The engagement period can bring about a lot of issues and date nights are often the remedy to them. There’s nothing that’ll calm your soul better than a couple’s massage or a pig-out session at a chocolate bar.

3. Legally binding thoughts

Set your terms and conditions immediately and go into details. Your engagement period is the time to set your standards and even your non-negotiables. Some issues are better-off discussed and agreed upon right at the beginning to avoid a lot of hassle later. Here are my top topics:

• Children
• Morals and values
• Finances
• Wedding Budget
• Housing
• Work/education goals
• Life vision
• Principles

An argument is bound to happen in any of these fields but setting your expectations early on helps to avoid frustration and disappointment.

4. Be patient

Just as you’re overwhelmed with this transition, your partner may be too. If you find them on edge, take them out, go on a long walk and have a long whole-hearted talk.  It is important that your significant other feels like you’ve got their back and they have your shoulder to lean on. Profound communication in any relationship will build you a strong foundation for the days to come.

5. Argue

Better safe than sorry… no one likes to argue but knowing how your partner will deal with a dilemma will help you in learning how to cope with it and how to enable them to cope with you. It will also help you see the magnitude of their reactions that could sometimes raise many red flags that you should watch out for. The key isn’t to pick fights, but to observe the causes of your arguments, the immediate response to them and whether it was fixed.

6. Get educated

Read read read and read again… there were so many books that blew my mind and made my life so much easier, more accepting of my reality. Relationships are not something that come with a curriculum, we’re never educated on them and tend to go about life with the mindset that our significant other is ‘supposed’ to understand what we want in life, with minimal communication effort. Often, we’re bothered by how un-romantic they are or how un-interested they may seem in our day-to-day talks. The key is to read, there are many books on the essence of relationships and why people behave the way that they do and even better, some books will give you insights on what to expect and what you’ll have to manage through in your first year of marriage. I highly recommend reading the ‘5 Love Languages’ & ‘What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married’, they’ll save you so much heartache and you’ll thank me later.

Now, are you ready? … Set… Go…

I’ll see you next month. Your 2020 Bride, Dana x