The big day that wasn’t meant to be

When Salwa first got involved with Bride Club ME, she never expected her fairytale to have a twist. Here, she reveals her inner-most feelings about her cancelled wedding.

Dear fellow brides,

I write this final article while on the bullet train from Shanghai to Beijing. As I look out of the window, I can’t help but wonder what could have been. Today, you see, was supposed to be the eve before my wedding day, apparently ‘the happiest day of your life’.

The wedding was originally planned to take place in October by the Dead Sea, but due to the on-going political unrest, it was deemed unsafe. We never really decided on a new wedding date, so life just went on.

I told my fiancé a few weeks ago that I didn’t want to speak to anyone on this day, and would just bury my head under a pillow – a respectful mourning of the day that should have been. I felt entitled to this. I was expecting it to hurt. Thinking about it now, I was wrong to believe that you can plan for one day to be the happiest day of your life. It just happens, unexpectedly. You simply have an amazing day and then you look back and think, “Hey, today may just have been the best day of my life!” Looking back, I think I just wanted an excuse to justify staying in bed for a whole day, wallowing in self-pity. But that simply isn’t me.

Another day

I can tell you, the indefinite postponement of my wedding hasn’t really affected me. I don’t feel sad. I feel … neutral. I don’t think that tomorrow, the day that should have been the BIG day, will be anything more than ordinary. It will not be tragic or dramatic. It will just be another day, like any other day. Which makes me wonder, “Why do I feel the way I do? Why am I not sad about not getting married?”

This impromptu trip to China, has been a life-changing experience. I have spent most of my time alone. And China is definitely out of my comfort zone! I’ve had a lot of time to opt out of my daily routines and plug into music – my favourite pastime. After some self-reflection, I conclude that not getting married may have been the best thing for me!

The revelation lies in readiness. Our relationship has every ingredient needed for a stable marriage. However, if everything had gone according to plan and this was my last day of singledom, I would not have felt ready.

The revelation lies in readiness. Our relationship has every ingredient needed for a stable marriage. However, if everything had gone according to plan and this was my last day of singledom, I would not have felt ready.

Lifelong commitment

It’s hard to describe, but I feel that I haven’t matured yet to what I want to be as a wife. Getting married involves making a lifelong commitment to being the best you can possibly be for your other half. It would mean taking on responsibilities I’m not yet ready to uphold. At this stage in my life, I do not see myself getting married in the next few months. I have not finished discovering who I am and I have certainly not finished accomplishing what I would like to achieve, both as a woman and as my own entity. It would not be fair to my future husband to commit to a marriage half-heartedly.

There are a few things I’d like to accomplish on my own before being recognised as a wife and as Salwa. I feel I need to stand on my own two feet. In fact, I already do, but I’m wobbling. I want to feel happy with myself, and comfortable in my own skin. I want to dance to music while cooking, wear a white T-shirt and blue jeans, as a staple to conveying understated glamour. I’d like to walk into a room and just float, and dance in the rain. Always in a good mood, down to earth and intelligent. Adventurous and fun-loving. And, most importantly, happy, no matter what.

Becoming that person

That’s not to say I’m not already most of these things, but sometimes I have to make an effort to achieve them. I’ll be ready for marriage when I’m effortlessly that person. I don’t know how I’ll manage it; I don’t even know if I can achieve it 100 per cent of the time (let’s not forget PMS…I’m no sunshine to be around). But that’s whom I aspire to be, the reflection of the true me, which my life partner deserves. A woman who is capable of carrying her own weight, contributing in equal measure to the relationship.

It makes me so happy to know that I am wise enough to be able to know what’s best for me, regardless of what anybody else thinks. Even when life is tough, I believe it’s for a good reason. It’s because there is a bigger picture, a more suitable plan tailor-made for me, which I know nothing of yet. So here I am, an optimist, making lemonade out of lemons. And life is good.

When I started this venture with Bride Club ME, I never expected my fairytale to have a twist. Yet it has and I can’t say I’m disappointed. I can only say this has been an amazing year and I’m excited to see what 2015 has in store for me! Happy new year brides.

With Love